What I know I must face and why: By no means do I think that these areas are in any way unique to me. In fact I think they are areas most people deal with, just in varying levels of intensity. For me, they seem to be the BIG ONES. And I am sitting here with fingers crossed (as I type-pretty talented, huh?) that if I can somehow conquer these (I say this with a tinge of sarcasm) within my first 30 years of life, I will have a pretty rocking adulthood. Or are there more layers I am not even aware of yet?
Wealth in Society- As my yoga teacher, Swami Sita put it, no matter where I go I will always attract and be attracted to wealthy people because of my karma. This has caused me distress in the past because I couldn't understand the great disparities I saw in wealth amongst the many people whose paths I have crossed. It is my challenge to realize why this is so and what I am to learn from it in this lifetime. Her advice, per usual, was to just surrender and detatch. "What is real wealth?" is the real question. Peace of mind, she would say. I have to agree. We are all just people. I've seen the same struggles, desires, fears and joys in the wealthiest and poorest people on Earth. I've had the gift to see both, to understand.
Business as Usual-When I was working in product marketing, I loved being busy but I didn't love the way that I handled everything like it was the possible end of the world. I had to constantly remind myself that we were making bags, not saving people's lives. So I knew at one point that if this was my tendency, I would need to channel that "serious" energy towards something that was a bit more "life-changing/saving". And so I decided I should work in non-profit and teach people about health and wellness. (My dad thought nursing was the best fit-I can't say I disagree wholey but the fact that I get squeemish when people speak of injuries I just wasn't sure this path would work...) To spare many, many details, I can boil it down to that while at one job I thought I would mostly teach kids to make green smoothies and start farms, and at the other I would mostly teach yoga, at both I ended up mostly sitting in front of a Mac working on spreadsheets, social media, newsletters and emails. Couldn't get away from that one, could I? (Can any of us? I'm curious...) I was learning, and still am, to do this work with joy...to use my practicality, marketing and people skills-what I am good at...for the good of man while understanding that by simply "just doing it" I am doing just that. Does it matter where I work, or how I work? Getting closer here...
Beauty, Only Skin Deep...Right? -I've loved it my whole life. In first grade I wanted to wear my church shoes to school so I could hear the click-clack of the soles as I made my way down the halls. (So what if I was wearing stretch pants and a sweatshirt...I sounded like I was dressed up). For her 17th birthday, my sister recieved a subscription to Seventeen magazine. I was a 9-year-old sneaking into her sister's desk to devour every image, every word of those pages telling me what was beautiful and seeing how happy the gorgeous girls on the pages appeared. After attempts to convince my father that fashion school was for me (he didn't buy it) and the realization I would never really look like those girls in the magazines, I started to take the beauty thing in stride. I know that I am a pretty deep person, a seeker, looking for Universal truths. And I did pretty well in various parts of my life leaving the make-up and primping behind. And Peace Corps? Are you kidding me? I was so excited at the prospect of super-simple living- in a hut, hair grown out, dirt under my nails...ahhh! Well guess what? K-A-R-M-A. Not only did the folks at Peace Corps place me in a city, they placed me in a former USSR city where the women are gorgeous and primping is a way of life. The young people here are dressed to kill, hair and make-up in place. And then there's me. I decided to cut my hair short (did I mention they all have long luxurious locks?) and forgo highlights prior to my departure. I am facing my 30th birthday in mere weeks. Here I go...Miss Spiritual yogini freaking out because, "I'm old and my hair sucks" Still a lot of work to do here, to find a way to use beauty as a vehicle towards peace, not away from it.
The amazing writer, Gwen Bell, recently posted about triggers. She describes triggers akin to shenpa (an idea which Pema Chodron covers at length in Taking the Leap) and according to Ms. Bell's post, "shenpa is like an itch you want scratch but know better. It’s taking the bait."
Yikes. Yes, it's those situations that you somehow keep coming across that make your skin crawl, make your throat tighten up, your heart race, eyes glaze over...we all react in different ways. But it's you reacting on a surface level to something that affects you deeply, to your core. Your triggers, your karmas. By looking at these beautiful young women and seeing them as just that and not turning it into myself being "not young and not beautiful", I resist the bait. It's time to get strong...
Om tat sat.
Julie, you were one of the most beautiful girls back in high school, and you are still beautiful now.
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