Sugar and Spice: Don't Call Me Nice

I recently heard a song on the radio, and it went:


All my life I've been good but now,
I'm thinking 'What the hell'
All I want is to mess around,
and I don't really care about
If you love me, if you hate me,
you can't save me, baby, baby


That last line very similar to a song I wrote while living at the ashram:
I know I can't leave this life with you by my side
We each have our own mountain to climb
I can guide you up yours and you guide me too
To the peak it will be where we find our own truth



There are two themes here:


1. Being good/nice
2. Being on our own



1. I am often regarded as being "too nice". This turns some off, annoys others and then attracts some like flies to honey (these fall into two categories-those bathing in the light of kindness and those taking full advantage of a soul who "looks on the bright side"...I deal with both on a daily basis). I don't think I am too nice-especially when I consider that I have dealt with a awful case of inborn guilt almost my entire life. If I thought I was always being sweet and nice, what would I have to feel guilty about? That wasn't it. Of course from the outside it looked that way. I am currently on the cusp of embarking on a difficult and life-changing challenge (more for another post) that involves some foreign travel and being surrounded by all new circumstance. I can remember being young and watching shows like The Real World in places like Paris and London and thinking, "I cannot believe how rude some of these people are/how ignorant to embracing a new culture/if I were there I would learn the language, be kind and open, blah blah blah." And that is why producers of a show would likely never pick someone like me to be on it!


Case in point: the people from the show The Apprentice came to my university my senior year, interviewing for the upcoming season. I thought, "What the hell?" and interviewed. Because of my domestic skills (babysitting, gardening) mixed with my keen business acumen (OK I made that up, but I sure made them think I was a biz whiz), I was asked to do a taped interview for the Apprentice: Martha Stewart. WELL...it went well and they said they would get back to me. About 3 months later, I got the call saying that they loved me, I'm great, but the final decision was that I am "just too nice" to be on the show. Uh-huh. Being nice, again, doesn't make for such great entertainment.


But I can't change who I am. And what came to me last night while I luxuriated in a warm salt bath is that it's not that I am nice. I think what it is, is that I am pretty happy. Sure, I have my ups, downs, confusions, "what the f@#k am I doing with my life?" times, but in general I was born joyous. And that spark of joy, though dimmed at times, remains luminous enough for others to see. And so am I nice? Sometimes. Am I happy? I am realizing that in my quest to wellness, my intense passions in natural foods, sustainable ways of living, doing business...my love of all things spiritual, yoga, meditation...in all of this there was always one underlying principle: the universal theme that I was looking to get to was always happiness. I know that peace of mind=happiness and so whatever can bring a human that peace in their hearts and minds, whatever can slow the spinning thoughts that cloud us from our inner luminosity, THAT is what I am looking to understand. So that I can share.



2. Now this takes me to how my song relates to the above Avril Lavigne song.



If you love me, if you hate me,
you can't save me, baby, baby


And I know I can't leave this life with you by my side
We each have our own mountain to climb



This is about the stark reality that NO ONE outside of ourselves is going to swoop in and make us happy. Nobody. Somebody. Anybody. NOPE. Just you. We each have our own truth to find. We will have many guides and teachers along the way. They show up in the forms of friends, enemies, family, lovers, spouses, swamis, preachers, bosses, the homeless man you pass on the street...are all our teachers. But it is up to each of us as individuals to BE happy. To BE grateful. No one, nothing, no circumstance, will ever be able to step in and do that for us. I am on a true quest for one thing: discovering the universal attributes to happiness. I already know that peace of mind is happiness. So now, it's all about how we obtain that peace of mind. I know this is what Yoga teaches. I am sure this is what many other philosophies and spiritual texts teach. What I want to discover, what comes up from the depths of my soul, is how we can spread this...for if each individual were happy, if companies functioned based on decisions that came out of joy rather than power, manipulation and coercion...what a whole new world we would find ourselves in.


So perhaps being nice doesn’t get you far. But being happy does.


Om tat sat.


XOm