Today? A Celebration

Flowers growing outside of my host family's house in Cricova

Eating sweet watermelon with my host cousin Elena

It’s July 26, 2011 and I have exactly ten nights left in Cricova.  As we are wrapping up our Pre-Service Training (PST) and gearing up for the actual volunteer experience, there are surely many thoughts swirling, minds twirling.  For me, I have been quite careful not to place much energy or thought into my move to Balti.  I have seen where I will live, I have met my work partners and all will unfold as it will. 

I do anticipate that as the swearing-in as a Peace Corps Volunteer approaches and as I am packing my bags here in Cricova, I will experience some emotion.  These feelings will range from fear to excitement  to anxiety and all in between.  But there will be one constant: bottomless, omnipresent light.  Let me explain…

This blog post is in no way meant to be a “brag about how wonderful it is that I can move about the world and keep a smile on my face and oh how wonderful it is to be me” post.  No, this post is a celebration of learning and acceptance...of surrender and through all, of feeling…this little light of mine. 

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When I was a wee thing, my mom sent me to Vacation Bible School.  I remember sitting on the cool pews of the church on hot summer days and belting out songs about this little light ‘o mine.  I was pretty into it at the time.  And I am finding that same song popping into my head here in Moldova…so far from home…so far from being that little girl.  And yet she is very much still a part of me. 

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Summers when I was growing up, we would spend the last week of July and the first week of August on Cape Cod.  We stayed in the beautiful town of Wellfleet where one could relish in any multitude of summer activities.  We would spend our days on the gorgeous beaches playing paddle ball and boogie boarding.  Afterwards we would stop by one of the fresh water ponds for a rinse and head back to the house for steamed clams and corn on the cob.  These two weeks were by far my favorite of the year.  But there came a time when those vacations stopped.  My sister married, my brother passed away, I "grew up".  I would try my best to emulate some semblance of a summer vacation with friends.  We would rent a place, or stay in someone’s lake house for a week.  I would drag boyfriends to the Cape to try to relive my younger days.  One summer, when I was 26 I even moved to a resort town for a entire summer after being laid-off from my full-time job.  I sensed my soul needed the fresh air, the excitement of summer living, and of course, the ocean.  A rebirth was just beginning…

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Yes, this  post is to celebrate that today, at 29 years of age, I am perfectly happy to be spending my last week of July and first week of August in a developing/transitioning nation riding a bike up and down poorly paved streets and dirt roads with my 20 year old host sister by my side.  It is to celebrate the joy to be found in waking at dawn to prepare for lessons in Russian, the fun in forging new friendships with folks whose paths I would have never otherwise crossed.  I am writing this post to share with you the immense joy I feel regarding the fact that I no longer feel that I need (or am entitled to?) a “summer vacation”, a beach house, trips, tans or tonics to experience the absolute joys that are a summer day: fresh fruit, long hours of sunlight, and laughs with friends, crickets filling the air. 

That today, a day where I couldn’t help but beam a smile straight from my heart, I truly feel at peace…THIS is a blessing. THIS is life and I am wise enough to know that THIS feeling will not last.  Times ahead will be hard, but I know that at the bottom of all the emotions that I will go through, of all doubts that I will have, and all times I will question, “what am I doing here?”, there ALWAYS be: this little light of mine.  


I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE!

Om tat sat.  With love and gratitude.

PS-Can I just add that as I wrote the final words of this post my host mother came inside calling my name and I followed her outside to find fresh beet, carrot, apple juice?!  WHAT?  The heart sings and the universe rewards J