A Case for Chaos: A Day in My Life as a PCV

It's just a ride.  Swings at the park near my apartment.

As I sit to write this post, it is unlike most times when I do the same thing.  You see, I typically sit down to write when I feel moved to do so.  Something stirs in me.  An idea at first, and then I start connecting the dots.  And then I must share whatever revelation I feel I just made.  It's kind of chaotic.  And so today will be a little different.  I am sitting down with the intention to write, though I am not sure what quite about.  The reason is twofold.  One, this post will appear on 365 Days of Peace and Friendship, a website created by Peace Corps Volunteers (PCV) here in Moldova celebrating Peace Corps' 50 years of service.  I signed up to post on this particular date.  And second, a friend from home, a beautiful fellow yogini, requested that I write about my day-to-day life as a PCV.  And so rather than first having a chaotic mind lead me to some revelation that I share, today I have an assignment, which is making me have a chaotic mind!  Isn't life just one paradox after another?

As I try to come up with a daily schedule to share, I stumble upon the fact that no day is quite like the other.  The typical day two months ago was quite drastically different than a typical day this month.  And then there is my "ideal" typical day versus my "did I just waste the whole day" typical day.  So which do I share?  Of course part of me wants to share with you the ideal day.  The day where I do exactly what I know is best for my well-being and henceforth for the well-being of my community and service.  But then the honest part of me, the authentic Julie won't allow for that.  So here I have put together each.  

IDEAL TYPICAL DAY:

6AM:  Wake up, rinse face, meditate.

7AM:  Yoga asanas

8AM:  Shower

9AM:  Breakfast, read news, write

10AM:  To the office where I work on strategic plan for my organization, work on the project I am writing, meet new community members and speak only in Russian to them, eat a healthy lunch, do some yoga stretches to help loosen up those office-bent shoulders.

5PM:  Home

6PM:  Eat a nutritious/delicious dinner alone, with my host family or with my site-mate Laela

8PM:  Read/write/study Russian

9:30PM: Meditate

10PM:  zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

REALISTIC TYPICAL DAY:

6AM:  Start to hear noises in my apartment building.  Too dark outside, still tired, put pillow over my head, turn over and go back to sleep.

7:45 AM:  Alarm clock I set to ensure I don't get up irresponsibly late goes off.  I hit snooze.

7:55AM:  Alarm goes off again.  I get up.  Shuffle to the kitchen and start hot water for tea.  Meanwhile lay down in the hall to stretch and do a few sun salutations.  Hear the teapot, steep my tea, take my vitamins. 

8:30 AM:  Take shower.

9AM:  Eat breakfast, turn on computer.  Get absorbed in stories on Facebook, get bored, go to Twitter, get absorbed in stories there.

10AM:  Oh my gosh, it's already 10AM?!  Get dressed, dry hair ect.  Did I do push-ups?  I should do a few before I get dressed.  

10:45AM:  Clean up the kitchen in a rush and collect my bags, coat, shoes, gloves, hat by the door.  Forget laptop converter in wall.

11AM:  To the office where I realize I forgot my laptop plug.  Back home to get it.  Ask questions all day that sometimes get answered.  Everyone is too busy to sit with me and discuss ideas.  Keep working on things even though I am not sure if it is priority.  Ask again, priorities shift.  New projects pop up I know nothing about.  Everyone speaks to me in English.  New people come in and no one introduces me.  I eat bread, mayonnaise salads and cookies with my colleagues during our tea/lunch breaks.  My eyes hurt from being on the computer too long.  I shift between writing my project, trying to help my colleagues with emails and papers in English, figuring out how to get to Bucharest from my city, trying to speak in Russian, checking the ubiquitously distractive Facebook.

6PM:  Go home and eat whatever is easy.  This usually amounts to the carrot salad I obsessively buy at the grocery store, some Danish cheese, whatever other veggies I have around and maybe some nuts.

7PM:  Check email as now my friends and family back in the states are up and writing.  Get absorbed in that.

10PM:  What, it's already 10?!  Where did that day go?  Try to fall asleep, hear every sound in the entire building, have difficulty to find a comfortable position for my head on the pillow and eventually...zzzzzzzz.

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Surely you can see the discrepancies between my ideal and realistic "typical day".  Neither one is exactly how my days actually go.  Within all of this includes interactions with my host family, dinners with friends, visits to other organizations, trips to the capital, yoga classes, belly-dancing when I am motivated and more.  But you get the point.  There are ways, within my own control, that I can improve my life simply by bringing my reality up to my ideal.  It takes a bit of self-control; to get up and meditate, to eat right, to be our own best advocate.  I am keenly aware that I will be of my best service when I am serving myself best.  

A few months ago I read a wonderful piece in Whole Living Magazine.  The premise of the article, which I highly encourage you to read, is that the chaos in our lives is what catalyzes positive change.  It is in times of confusion and "figuring out" that we are inspired to come up with solutions.  It is when we aren't quite sure what to do, that we research, we learn and therefore gain further clarity and have something to teach others. In the article, psychotherapist and author Mel Schwartz states that, "Confusion is the cusp of creativity." 

And so I know, after writing this "chaotic" article, I have gained the clarity to know exactly what I hope this new year will look like for me: more like my ideal day.  It's not really so far off.  I can reach it quite easily in fact.  I can make myself get up and meditate.  I can study more Russian and I can control what I put in my mouth.   But I can't control how people will react to me- at work, in relationships, in my community.  I cannot control whether my project will be funded.  I cannot control a lot.  And being OK with that, I gain everything.  As Ms. Schwarts also stated in the article, "The paradox is that when we're comfortable with not being in control, the chaos loses its grip".

My life as a PCV is just like your life wherever you are, a paradox constantly in flux between chaos and peace.  And I love it all!

Not quite sure where I am headed, but on my way indeed.