This is going to be interesting...

I began this blog when I was living at an ashram. Living the life of a yogini. Away from "the world". And that was nice, for a time.  And then I got nervous about finances. I still had an outstanding student loan, I was paying for my health insurance...my reserves were getting low for my comfort. You see, I wasn't quite able to 'let go' of all of my 'real world' concerns, and so it was time for me to leave.

I gained a pretty strong awareness that while I couldn't stay at the ashram any longer, I also couldn't go back to the way I had been living before the ashram: anxious.  Anxiety has been plaguing me ever since my freshman year of college. It hit me hard when I went to take a full body stretch upon waking one morning and felt a POP in my neck, followed by me not being able to move my neck. Yes, I had officially begun my relationship with worry manifesting in tight muscles around my spine. What was I was worried about about you ask? Well, everything and anything. It sucked! Whether anxiety is a learned behavior, genetic, circumstantial...I don't know. I think it's a combination of all of the above mixed in with our nutrient-deficient SAD (Standard American Diet) diet and fast-paced, expectation-filled modern lifestyle.

 

And so it's been quite the journey in this young adulthood of mine. Trying to figure out: how do I live a life I love in the modern world, doing things I love, and not succumbing to the spinning anxious thoughts that so often cloud my world?

I have taken many approaches: first, through diet. This worked. Changing my diet enabled me to stop taking the medications I was prescribed following the untimely death of my brother, 9 years ago today. (Shout out to Philip!)  So now I could live without Lexapro and Xanax but I was still spinning. And so I knew it was time to take the full-on mind/body/spirit approach. And hence my 7 month ashram stint. It was wonderful! I learned to BREATH. And CHANT. And TRUST. But it wasn't going to last forever. You see I knew deep down in my heart that I was born to live IN the world...(but not OF the world?!)   And so now, right NOW, I am delving into my next step in the process of being able to find that balance.

I have accepted an internship at one of the world's largest publishing houses in Manhattan. I will be working in Social Media Marketing. I worked in marketing in the 'corporate world' early in my career. I had hives. Since then I have been a produce buyer, health coach, wellness program developer, babysitter, candle-maker, yoga teacher...anything to avoid "the office". But now I am taking that dragon on again. I have discovered in all of my travels and different hats, that I am a pretty darn good communicator. I can speak and write well. And I like to do it. I like to communicate a message to many people. My current interest in the ease and efficiency of spreading information through social media excites me and I want to learn more!

AND...I am scared. I am trying not to take my past disappointments with me through the front doors of the big building between Park and 5th Avenues. I have learned so much and I only pray that I will be able to be a true Yogini in the office. I will share with you how this all works out-the challenges I meet, the characters I enjoy (or otherwise), and the work that I do. How I manage to fit in my passions for cooking and nutrition, maintaining my personal writing and still teaching yoga classes. I can honestly tell you I am scared, excited, nervous all at once. Perhaps this was a huge mistake. But one thing I will never be, is left wondering...

 

In every action I take, there is just one thing that I hope to find: peace of mind. So in that I can be a business woman at the ashram or I can be a Yogini at the business. The truth is it's all the same.

Om tat sat. Om shanti.