Head Above Water

In considering what I will write in a blog post, I often look at what I have recently written, as well as refer to recent emails from friends and family back home. What are they asking? What do they want to know? What seems to intrigue people? Usually it is questions about how I am feeling, and then, what I am doing. This order should be of note.

Seeing as I am only one month in as a sworn-in volunteer, what comes up as a topic ripe for the picking (like the gorgeous and delicious grapes right now in Moldova) is the topic of staying in a "good" place with one's Self-mentally, spiritually, and physically.

Often when we think of the Peace Corps, we think of selfless service. We think of being inundated with so much "new" that we tend to underestimate how much of the "old" we will still actually deal with. This is because not only do we, as volunteers, enter a new country/community/culture, but we also take along our Self, that has lived through so much before this time. I capitalize the term 'Self' because in my mind, it deserves a proper name...the essence of our being that is steadfast and never separate from us regardless of age, location or vocation.

And so, when we enter into the world of literally all "new" we are faced with a great challenge of deciding what of the "old" should come along and what should be left behind. For example: my entire life I have been a people-pleaser. I am not sure why, I was born this way. God-forbid someone was upset with me, especially when it was over something I felt I had no control. I have been working hard at trying to let these old patterns slip away and live more in an "I am doing my best, what others think is their business" attitude. And guess what? Here in Moldova, or in any completely new culture, you simply cannot know what others are thinking. And even if you tried to ask in your new language, the query may (most likely) come across the wrong way, and you won't even understand the response. Or worse, you think you understand the response but it's actually an incorrect interpretation. And with this, my tendency to be overly concerned with my relations with others simply cannot come along for this ride. My Peace Corps experience just might help me to eradicate this less than desirable trait-hooray!

This is just one example of the multitude of old ways of thinking and being that may very well be thoroughly examined during Peace Corps service. Undoubtedly, every volunteer will face aspects of themselves that simply will not jive with living the most authentic and effective two years of service. We will stare in the mirror, either literally or when we look at others and how we react to them. We will see things we do not like, that need change, but also that we love and deserve gratitude. Yes, we did indeed come into Peace Corps service to help. And we knew that this "help" or improvement would extend both out to the world around us and inward to the world that lies within.

I guess what I want to get across here, the fruit that we may together so deliciously savor, is that when we place ourselves in situations of great pressure, we are as a rock placed in a tumbler...tossed, thrown, battered. This part is quite uncomfortable. But what comes out is a shining gem. When we are able to face ourselves and those around us, to keep our heads above water through compassion and understanding...when we are able to comprehend and surrender to the beautiful fact that when we help ourselves we help others and vice versa...we change the world. Inner and outer.

And so to answer the question how am I? : I am up and down and all around.

And to answer the question what am I doing? I am seeking balance. I am struggling. I am growing. I am learning. I am dealing. I am adapting. I am adjusting. I am sleeping too much or I am sleeping too little. I am taking belly-dancing classes to meet people and to awaken my 2nd and 4th chakras. I am talking about yoga in very broken Russian. I am...

People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross