A Case for Chaos: A Day in My Life as a PCV

It's just a ride.  Swings at the park near my apartment.

As I sit to write this post, it is unlike most times when I do the same thing.  You see, I typically sit down to write when I feel moved to do so.  Something stirs in me.  An idea at first, and then I start connecting the dots.  And then I must share whatever revelation I feel I just made.  It's kind of chaotic.  And so today will be a little different.  I am sitting down with the intention to write, though I am not sure what quite about.  The reason is twofold.  One, this post will appear on 365 Days of Peace and Friendship, a website created by Peace Corps Volunteers (PCV) here in Moldova celebrating Peace Corps' 50 years of service.  I signed up to post on this particular date.  And second, a friend from home, a beautiful fellow yogini, requested that I write about my day-to-day life as a PCV.  And so rather than first having a chaotic mind lead me to some revelation that I share, today I have an assignment, which is making me have a chaotic mind!  Isn't life just one paradox after another?

As I try to come up with a daily schedule to share, I stumble upon the fact that no day is quite like the other.  The typical day two months ago was quite drastically different than a typical day this month.  And then there is my "ideal" typical day versus my "did I just waste the whole day" typical day.  So which do I share?  Of course part of me wants to share with you the ideal day.  The day where I do exactly what I know is best for my well-being and henceforth for the well-being of my community and service.  But then the honest part of me, the authentic Julie won't allow for that.  So here I have put together each.  

IDEAL TYPICAL DAY:

6AM:  Wake up, rinse face, meditate.

7AM:  Yoga asanas

8AM:  Shower

9AM:  Breakfast, read news, write

10AM:  To the office where I work on strategic plan for my organization, work on the project I am writing, meet new community members and speak only in Russian to them, eat a healthy lunch, do some yoga stretches to help loosen up those office-bent shoulders.

5PM:  Home

6PM:  Eat a nutritious/delicious dinner alone, with my host family or with my site-mate Laela

8PM:  Read/write/study Russian

9:30PM: Meditate

10PM:  zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

REALISTIC TYPICAL DAY:

6AM:  Start to hear noises in my apartment building.  Too dark outside, still tired, put pillow over my head, turn over and go back to sleep.

7:45 AM:  Alarm clock I set to ensure I don't get up irresponsibly late goes off.  I hit snooze.

7:55AM:  Alarm goes off again.  I get up.  Shuffle to the kitchen and start hot water for tea.  Meanwhile lay down in the hall to stretch and do a few sun salutations.  Hear the teapot, steep my tea, take my vitamins. 

8:30 AM:  Take shower.

9AM:  Eat breakfast, turn on computer.  Get absorbed in stories on Facebook, get bored, go to Twitter, get absorbed in stories there.

10AM:  Oh my gosh, it's already 10AM?!  Get dressed, dry hair ect.  Did I do push-ups?  I should do a few before I get dressed.  

10:45AM:  Clean up the kitchen in a rush and collect my bags, coat, shoes, gloves, hat by the door.  Forget laptop converter in wall.

11AM:  To the office where I realize I forgot my laptop plug.  Back home to get it.  Ask questions all day that sometimes get answered.  Everyone is too busy to sit with me and discuss ideas.  Keep working on things even though I am not sure if it is priority.  Ask again, priorities shift.  New projects pop up I know nothing about.  Everyone speaks to me in English.  New people come in and no one introduces me.  I eat bread, mayonnaise salads and cookies with my colleagues during our tea/lunch breaks.  My eyes hurt from being on the computer too long.  I shift between writing my project, trying to help my colleagues with emails and papers in English, figuring out how to get to Bucharest from my city, trying to speak in Russian, checking the ubiquitously distractive Facebook.

6PM:  Go home and eat whatever is easy.  This usually amounts to the carrot salad I obsessively buy at the grocery store, some Danish cheese, whatever other veggies I have around and maybe some nuts.

7PM:  Check email as now my friends and family back in the states are up and writing.  Get absorbed in that.

10PM:  What, it's already 10?!  Where did that day go?  Try to fall asleep, hear every sound in the entire building, have difficulty to find a comfortable position for my head on the pillow and eventually...zzzzzzzz.

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Surely you can see the discrepancies between my ideal and realistic "typical day".  Neither one is exactly how my days actually go.  Within all of this includes interactions with my host family, dinners with friends, visits to other organizations, trips to the capital, yoga classes, belly-dancing when I am motivated and more.  But you get the point.  There are ways, within my own control, that I can improve my life simply by bringing my reality up to my ideal.  It takes a bit of self-control; to get up and meditate, to eat right, to be our own best advocate.  I am keenly aware that I will be of my best service when I am serving myself best.  

A few months ago I read a wonderful piece in Whole Living Magazine.  The premise of the article, which I highly encourage you to read, is that the chaos in our lives is what catalyzes positive change.  It is in times of confusion and "figuring out" that we are inspired to come up with solutions.  It is when we aren't quite sure what to do, that we research, we learn and therefore gain further clarity and have something to teach others. In the article, psychotherapist and author Mel Schwartz states that, "Confusion is the cusp of creativity." 

And so I know, after writing this "chaotic" article, I have gained the clarity to know exactly what I hope this new year will look like for me: more like my ideal day.  It's not really so far off.  I can reach it quite easily in fact.  I can make myself get up and meditate.  I can study more Russian and I can control what I put in my mouth.   But I can't control how people will react to me- at work, in relationships, in my community.  I cannot control whether my project will be funded.  I cannot control a lot.  And being OK with that, I gain everything.  As Ms. Schwarts also stated in the article, "The paradox is that when we're comfortable with not being in control, the chaos loses its grip".

My life as a PCV is just like your life wherever you are, a paradox constantly in flux between chaos and peace.  And I love it all!

Not quite sure where I am headed, but on my way indeed.

What NOT to Buy this Holiday Season: A Mindful Guide to Gifting

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched... but are felt in the heart.

Helen Keller

1.  A bunch of crap poorly made and cheaply priced, just so you have something to hand to someone.  Sorry, but our landfills, air quality, cheap (abused) labor force, and henceforth humankind's ability to remain on Earth, cannot afford it.  Don't believe me?  Watch The Story of Stuff, they can explain it much better!

2.  A bunch of really expensive crap (for example clothing from over-priced retailers making a killing on our desire to be perceived as someone "special enough" to wear their labels), that falls into the same category as above while also playing on your ego's sensitivity.  Double uh-oh!  The truth is you and your loved ones are much too fabulous to be prancing around sporting such non-original stuff that fills the pockets of few.

3.  A gift just to buy a gift.  Think about the person receiving your thoughts-because honestly that is what will touch their heart most dearly.  Your physical gift begins with a thought.  And since thoughts have power,  your thought of the person should be reflected in a gift.  So you despise your boss; this doesn't mean a gift card to Big Box Generic Crap Store will do. It's your boss you don't like, not the whole planet!  Have some compassion for this person and think about what they truly love, what lights them up.  Perhaps he/she plays golf, (you know just to be really stereotypical).  Is there a specialty golf shop around?  Say, owned by a member of your community?  Even better.  Go there, spend your money in your community and get a unique item that says, "I understand what you value, while also valuing our community and the planet."  Triple awesomeness!

So now that I think I have painted a picture about what NOT to give, let's take a look at some awesome gift ideas!

1.  Make a donation to a cause the person is passionate about.  Many organizations will offer some sort of holiday perk with these donations.  Or you can match up your donation with something small to put under the tree.  Aunt Sally is passionate about Womens' Rights?  Donate to Women for Women International and head to a local woman-owned shop and support her business with a small and thoughtful purchase.  Be sure to share with her your gift idea, you never know, the power of suggestion is strong and she just might spread the word!  And if you aren't sure where a person's passions lie, you can always give a gift certificate so they can pick the charity of thier choice. Go to Just Give where you can purchase a gift certificate for any amount.

2.  Purchase an item from a social enterprise, such as Toms Shoes or Roma Boots.  These companies will both donate a pair of footwear to a child in need, with each pair that you purchase.  There was recently a Roma Boot drop here in Moldova, coordinated by a  group of Peace Corps Volunteers.  I got to see many pictures of just how touched these children and their families were to receive the gift of warm, dry feet. 

3.  Visit a shop that specializes in "commerce with a conscience" such as 10,000 Villages.  What does this mean?  From their website:  "They market products from handicraft and agricultural organizations based in low-income countries, providing consumers with products that have been fairly purchased from sustainable sources."  Explain this fact to the gift recipient or include a card about the shop so that they can further appreciate the concept.  10,000 Villages has retail stores as well as alliance stores throughout the U.S. and Canada as well as their beautiful online shop.

4.  Make a trip to your local flea market/farmers market/artist co-op.  You get the idea.  Buy something beautiful and unique that jives perfectly with your loved one's style while also supporting the arts in your community.  Whether it is baked goods, jewelry, paintings, knits, bamboo cutting boards or fun vintage items, you are sure to find something that perfectly suits your need to express that  you understand your loved one's style and listen to what they value.  Can't find something you like there?  Browse the online version, Etsy, where you will be sure to find something fabulous.  Just make sure you have time for shipping!  (There is still time now!)

5.  Make it yourself!  Are you crafty?  No need to purchase product if you already know how to make them yourself!  Save money by putting your own talents to use.  You not only pass on a gift, but a piece of your self.  This is ultimate generosity.

And remember, there is no gift more impressive, than one that respects the receiver, the giver, and the community surrounding both.  Give from your heart and you will know exactly how to light up your loved ones! 

Happy Gifting!!!  XOm.

Technique 6: Lunar

This part was written during my recent trip to Greece:


In the background I can hear an accordian, as someone, most likely a child, walks up and down the streets of Athens begging for money.  Next door I hear the voices of men in their work day chatter as they together build what will be a stack of condos, ushering new neighbors into my friend Shiva-Shakti's life.  Noticing, noticing.  


In my own mind, I can hear the chatter around not doing my November Acension post, the Lunar one.  Life picked me up and carried me around for a bit, unsettled so as to write my thoughts on such a vast subject.  But today, in my friend's house in the ancient city of Athens, freshly returned from a magical trip to the island named after the ancient Greek word for water, Ύδρα (Hydra), I turn my attention first inward to find the truth of water and the moon, and then outward, to share that with you.


So what do we know about the Moon?  Well, she is like a mirror.  She reflects to us the light recieved from the sun.    She gives and takes, but does not create.  She moves in cycles.  So, what is the knowledge here?  What might we digest of this that allows wisdom to grow in each of us?  I read the passage from the Ishaya's Ascension document:


The Lunar Attitude develops the intuitive power of the sixth chakra, Ajna, the “Third Eye.” Patanjali describes the result of mastery of the Lunar Technique as complete knowledge of the firmament. Another result of this Attitude is the development of Soma, the glue of the Universe that is responsible for the celestial perception of the second stage of enlightenment, Exalted Consciousness. The Moon is called the “Vat of Soma” in the ancient literature, because the focus on the Moon naturally produces this molecule in the body. Mastery of the Lunar connection opens the aspirant to the worlds of the virtuous, to the Heaven of the Forefathers, to the Path of the Gods.


And once again...I wasn't able to "finish" and so now I add even later from my bed in Balti:


I try to make some sense of the above: "complete knowledge of the firmament" seems to speak to a state of knowledge of all that is so vast that the un-attuned mind cannot comprehend.  And Soma seems to be the stuff that binds all together...echhh...who am I kidding?  This is hurting my brain to try to extract some meaning from that...and so...I will just say what I think of the moon!  I do love that orb in the sky!  Last night we had her full and a 2nd lunar eclipse following the one back in June.  


When I think moon, I think surrender.  I accept this light, I shine it.    That we should strive to develop more peace, faith, receptivity, openness and surrender-like the moon.  And for those who sort of hate the idea of surrender, because it sounds something like "losing" or giving up?  Surrender is the opposite of giving up. It is freeing yourself from the desire to be in control, letting go of how you think things should be. Surrender is freedom.  


And when I think of surrender, I think of water.  The flow.  I recently read a beautiful description of water, flow, and surrender by Osho.  And so I will finally finish this blog post with his words of knowledge, imparting more wisdom into each of our souls:
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When I say 'become like water' I mean become flow...Move, and move like water.  


Lao Tzu says: The way of the Tao is a watercourse way.  It moves like water.  What is the movement of water?  One, it always moves towards depth, it always searches for the lowest ground.  


It is non-ambitious; it never hankers to be the first, it wants to be the last.  Remember Jesus says: Those who are the last here will be the first in my kingdom of God.  He is talking about the watercourse way of Tao.  Be the last, be non-ambitious.  Ambition means going uphill.  Water goes down, it searches for lowest ground, it wants to be a nonentity.  It does not want to declare itself unique, exceptional, extraordinary.  It has no ego idea.
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And here the moon is like water, having no ego.  The moon doesn't shine bright like the sun, producing it's own worth.  And yet in this non-ambition, the moon still functions fully for its exact purpose.  It still provides light and remains steadfast.  All without trying.  The moon reminds us, to let go more.

Om tat sat.