There are many moments like this that derive a laugh about how funny I sound, a grown woman speaking like a small child. And just as such, there are (and will be) as many moments (and much more intense surely) where it is not quite so "cute" and I am frustrated and feel quite "stupid". It sounds trite, but the Peace Corps experience is all about turning the tables... understanding what it's like to be an outsider and learning how to integrate into an entirely foriegn community all in the name of peace and friendship...and here I go. But you really cannot imagine or understand this process until your are IN it. I could read the handbook one hundred times and still not comprehend what it's actually like to go through it. But I am now. It's here. The "vacation period" is over.
Today has been my first "one of those" days. It's not exactly a "bad" day at all. Nothing has happened to make me upset per se. It's more as though I am hitting a sort of energetic wall. Up until now, I was likely operating off of a lot of adrenaline. In yoga, we refer to lifeforce energy as prana. (This is the energy that makes a person living vs. dead, a fresh fruit vs. rotten ect. We get prana from breathing, running water, fresh foods and sunlight). And so I was using a lot of prana to get through my days of meeting new people, settling into a new home, navigating through a new town, and beginning to learn a new language. And that has hit me today. Big time.
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A few summers ago I worked as a produce buyer in a small resort town in coastal Maine. Two of my coworkers/roommates were girls from Kyrgyzstan who spoke Russian and were in the U.S. make some money and improve their English skills. I can recall days when they would really drag. They would tell me they were so tired and would sometimes just hole up in their rooms only coming out to use the bathroom or get some food. I could see the exhaustion in their eyes, and now my compassion for them is even stronger. It's not until now that I completely understand why they were so tired. Trying to think and communicate in a second language is plain exhausting. Just the act of "hanging around" when you don't speak the language requires ample amounts of prana. This is hitting me. Just as at the ashram we were often warned not to fall into a pattern of tamas (inertia or laziness), Peace Corps warns us not to get used to just going to our rooms and hiding out. This is not a way to integrate. Of course we have to take care of the self/Self and get ample rest and give the mind a break, but one simply cannot get used to just turning off as it is so tempting to do. There is too much life to share.
The old Peace Corps saying, "The hardest job you'll ever love"? Yes...I can see why. It requires so much patience, humility and prana. My plan for now is to try to amp up my yoga asanas (physical exercise) and pranayama (breathing exercises to obtain more prana through breath, or in other words, taking in more oxygen to each and every cell). This was my training on how to live fully and now I am really being put to the test. I will fail often but can only grow stronger.
Now? Well, I want to go to sleep. But instead I will go to a futball game in town with my host sister, Diana, and some of the other trainees here in Cricova. The time with them will provide prana for my heart.
Hari Om Tat Sat. (for those of you new here, this is Sankskrit and essentially means "All that is Truth" and though I don't say that my truth is That truth, it is my truth...hope that makes sense!)
***The pictures above are my big rain boots in the garden and Diana picking strawberries. I think we have about one or two harvests left of these and the cherries.
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